I've realized

~The people who understand me always have, and I have always understood them.
~I ultimately know who I am. I know why I am on this earth. And I’m already fulfilling that purpose. I have much more work to do.
~The world runs off of volunteers, and if I don’t take my head out of ‘me’, I’m not really doing much good.
~So many people on this earth need help…in whatever form that comes in.
~Seeing as I have no real responsibilities besides school work, I feel as if I should give back whenever possible.
~God is love. It is such a simple concept, and yet, no description on this earth would more accurately come close to describing His nature.
~I love big cities and the life you can always find in them.
~My idol is Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and coincidentally, I am often told that I am a lot like her (actually, I think that’s why I first started watching)
~Most of the time, I’d rather speak my mind and say what needs to be said than hide behind a synthetic veil of politeness
~I can see everything in my goddaughter’s eyes.
~I often make instant connections with people. These are my closest friends.
~If I love you, you can have everything. If I trust you, I will tell you absolutely anything. However, I don’t trust people easily. You must earn it.
~If it matters to you, hold onto it. If it doesn’t matter or stops mattering, let it go.
~Hard work and perseverance are the keys to almost anything.
~Behind the clouds, there is always sunshine :)

To my light

To the people who, in the past few weeks, have reminded me of I am when I forget-thanks.

Miss Purple- Who inspires my work ethic & walks beside me in it. Who never ceases to make me laugh. Who I can spend forever and a half with and never get bored. Who is so much a part of my life that you are coming to my Christmas and I am going to your family's. My sister.

Outdoorsman- Who loves every bit of me, even the parts I wish he wouldn't. Who loves God with his life. Who shares my vision, my drive, my love of giving back to the world but also of speaking my mind. I adore you. We draw closer each day. Dare we say...we hope to continue drawing close for life.

Mama Tanzania- Who very quietly studies her life away all day at doctor school for the greater good with her trusty sidekick, Roxy (or maybe you are the sidekick?). Who shows kindness and tenderness and understanding that I can't help but listen to; I can't help but love. And by the time the sun rose in Georgia, we were bonded closer than either of us had ever guessed we could be.

Thanks.
I love you.

Priorities

It's quite funny
How some things we don't hold on to.
We wish them away.
We dread the thought of another day,
making countdowns til the end...
because these things never really mattered to us in the first place.
They were necessities,
stepping stones to where we were headed.

And yet...

Other things that are important are cherished.
Every moment is a gift;
I unfortunately had to learn this a long time ago.
Wishing for even a minute of it back,
Drawing out every moment,
Nurturing it like a child cupping her hands around a tiny flame,
Holding onto every last moment before the fire burns out.

So the saying goes...
"You do not truly know great love until you know great loss".
I believe this is true.
Loss also comes in many forms.

And yet...
I still believe I have much to learn.

Conflicting emotions

I am torn so much with you.
On one hand, for Heaven's sake, I just met you.
On the other hand, I have yet to hear a single word come out of your mouth that could not have just as easily come out of mine.
I'm sure we have our difference somewhere...but wow.
It's strange.
I want to pour my heart out to you,
but I want to keep it safe as well.
This whole thing is new, and yet strangely familiar to me.
I finally gave in and told you...
only to realize you have been through much the same.

It's way to soon to be talking about rings...
People are telling me to jump in or stay back as I see fit.
"Things are different when you meet this way, 6 months or a year is okay..."
But my reservations are still here.
I mean jeez, finding someone to potentially spend your life with is stressful.
You say you are committed to this. I am too.
And yet, I remain cautious.
But still, there is always this little voice in me asking,
"Could this really be it?"

Time will tell. And so...we press on.

Home is where the heart is

I spent the morning with some of my favorite people ever.
We can talk for hours, share laughs, and share life.
They are in their fifties. And truth be told, I've never felt more comfortable around people as I have with them.
I have always related to people who are older than me better than those my own age.
Luckily, this is true for the majority of my good friends as well.

I also went shopping today with a friend that is recently engaged.
I find it much easier to talk about what kitchen tools to buy & what different family members are in need of this year & cooking than talking about normal college things.
I don't know why...but it's always been that way. It's odd knowing that you don't 'fit', that you were meant to be more than what you are now. Thankfully, when I am home at least, I am reminded that I am not alone. And it feels SO GOOD. I'm not alone. My God truly is an amazing God to put the people in my life that He does.

"College is just a stepping stone", my older friends say.
"It will end soon."
"People will leave college and have this sudden period of maturing..."
Life will never be butterflies and rainbows; its never going to be exactly as I dreamed and I understand that, but I will find a place where I feel more at home. More like I belong there.

I am grateful for all that God is given me. But I have always, always felt Him calling me to have a family & to serve both in my community and throughout the world.

An elderly long-term substitute teacher once smiled at me in high school. He leaned in close to me, takes a deep breath, and whispers "I know a secret. You are going to be a wonderful wife & mother. It's who you are. I feel it." I had known this man only a few weeks, and I'm positive he had no idea how much I wanted a family someday.

I never forgot that moment. Thanks, Paul.

I have realized

The importance of surrounding myself with people who work hard.
People who don't take the path of least resistance.
People who, when handed a challenge, will raise you one step higher...or five.
People who are active, involved.

Many times I feel busy with school work.
And then I realize...I've got it WAY EASY.
I miss volunteering.
I miss being surrounded by people who work with everything they have.

God does not hand us anything; God makes us work for it.
So if you are sitting back saying "God will plan your life for you, it will all work out", I disagree.
I think God will sit back and say "I gave you the tools you need, why are you sitting back and waiting for ME to do something?"

You will get somewhere in life if you make something of yourself.
If you don't take the easiest route.
If you set your hands hard to work. If you take yourself out of the equation every once in a while when you feel like whining about how hard you're already working.

Because someone else needs your help.
So quit whining, Kindra, and go put your hands to work in Tanzania.
Build that well, treat those people, and remember what you were born to do.
And don't let anyone tell you different.